Ellen’s Gardener Competition

Ellen’s Gardener Competition


– AS YOU PROBABLY NOTICED, MY BUSHES
HAVE NEVER BEEN BUSHIER. AND MY GARDENER… AND MY GARDENER NICK IS SHOOTING
THE SEQUEL TO “MAGIC MIKE,” SO I’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR
A TEMPORARY GARDENER, AND IT’S
A PRICELESS OPPORTUNITY, MOSTLY BECAUSE
THEY WON’T GET PAID. AND I ASKED MY VIEWERS TO POST
AUDITIONS ON ELLENTUBE. I GOT TO SEE THINGS
THAT I WILL NEVER FORGET. NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY. LET’S TAKE A QUICK LOOK BACK. [Sam Smith’s “Stay With Me”] [singing]
– WON’T YOU STAY WITH ME ‘CAUSE YOU’RE ALL I NEED THIS AIN’T LOVE
IT’S CLEAR TO SEE BUT DARLING, STAY WITH ME WHY AM I SO EMOTIONAL? NO, IT’S NOT A GOOD LOOK
GAIN SOME SELF-CONTROL THIS AIN’T LOVE
IT’S CLEAR TO SEE BUT DARLING, STAY WITH ME [audience applauds and cheers] – IS IT OVER? IT’S OVER?
GREAT. OKAY… IT WASN’T EASY,
BUT I PICKED THREE FINALISTS. I FLEW THEM HERE
AND PUT THEM UP IN ONE OF THE TOP MOTELS
ON SANTA MONICA BOULEVARD. UM, BASED ON THE VIDEOS,
I KNOW THAT THIS MIGHT GET A LITTLE RACY FOR DAYTIME TV,
AND I DON’T WANNA GET IN TROUBLE WITH OUR CENSOR,
SO I’VE HAD HIM BLINDFOLDED. [audience laughing
and applauding] [laughs] ALL RIGHT, PLEASE–PLEASE
HOLD YOUR APPLAUSE. LET’S BRING OUT OUR FINALISTS. OUR FIRST GARDENER STARTED OUT
WITH JUST A HOE AND A DREAM. HE SAYS–HE SAYS HE’LL DO
WHATEVER IT TAKES TO TRIM MY BUSHES, EVEN IF
IT MEANS GETTING A LITTLE DIRTY. HE ALSO SAYS HE HAS
A GREEN THUMB, BUT LET’S BE HONEST,
WHO’S LOOKING AT HIS THUMB? FROM LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA,
SAY HELLO TO TEEGAN ROSE. [audience cheers] OUR NEXT GARDENER SAYS THAT
AS A CHILD, HE ALWAYS DREAMED OF BEING
A PROFESSIONAL HULA HOOPER OR A TEMPORARY GARDENER
ON A DAYTIME TALK SHOW. HE’S AN INSPIRATION
TO ANYONE WHO DREAMS SMALL. AND IF THIS DOESN’T WORK OUT, HE’D LOVE TO
TRIM DR. PHIL’S MUSTACHE. FROM WASHINGTON, D.C.,
HERE’S MARCUS KENNY. [audience cheering] OUR FINAL GARDENER
SENT IN A VIDEO THAT CAUGHT THE EYE
OF OUR CENSOR, MATT. MATT TOOK THE VIDEO HOME
AND WATCHED IT OVER 50 TIMES TO MAKE SURE IT WAS OKAY. I THINK HE’LL BE OKAY WITH HIM,
TOO. FROM CHATTANOOGA, TENNESSEE,
THIS IS DEREK YATES. [audience cheering] – THAT CONCLUDES THE RUNWAY
PORTION OF OUR COMPETITION. OBVIOUSLY I CAN’T JUST PICK A
GARDENER BASED ON HOW THEY LOOK WITH THEIR SHIRTS OFF. I COULD, BUT WE STILL HAVE
SOME TIME TO FILL. SO I AM GONNA ASK THEM
SOME QUESTIONS. COME ON BACK OUT HERE, MEN. ALL RIGHT. HI.
ALL RIGHT. TEEGAN, MY FIRST QUESTION TO YOU
IS, UH… EXPLAIN THE PROCESS OF
PHOTOSYNTHESIS. – PHOTOSYNTH–
– I’M KIDDING. [all laughing]
UM… CAN YOU SPELL “GARDENER”? – GARDENER. G-A-R-D… – ALMOST THERE.
– N-E-R. – YEP.
– [laughs] AND THANK YOU
FOR THE OPPORTUNITY. – WAIT, WHAT WAS IT AGAIN?
– G-A-R-D-E-N-A-R. E-R.
UH, EH, NO. – ONE OF THOSE WAS RIGHT.
OKAY… MARCUS, FINISH THIS POEM. ROSES ARE RED,
VIOLETS ARE BLUE… – I LOVE YOU. [laughs] – THANK YOU.
IT RHYMED, BUT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO FINISH THE POEM. ALL RIGHT, DEREK,
IF YOU WERE A TYPE OF PLANT, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
A NAUGHTY PINE, A HORNY GOAT WEED, OR A HONEYSUCKLE? – I’D SAY A HONEYSUCKLE. – ALL RIGHT.
WHOO. I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. I–IT’S TOO HARD FOR ME
TO CHOOSE A WINNER, SO BY ROUND OF APPLAUSE, LET’S START RIGHT HERE.
TEEGAN? MARCUS? AND DEREK? I THINK WE HAVE A WINNER. DEREK, YOU ARE THE WINNER. AND YOU HAVE THE TITLE
OF MY TEMPORARY GARDENER. ALL RIGHT, THAT MEANS YOU’RE
GONNA GET A GOLDEN HOE AND–HERE’S OUR GOLDEN HOE. AND A $1,000 TARGET GIFT CARD.
– OH, MY GOD. – PUT THE SASH ON, GINA. FIX IT, GINA, FIX THE SASH.
– THANK YOU. – THERE.
TEMPORARY GARDENER. ALL RIGHT,
AND THERE’S YOUR GOLDEN HOE. AND THE TWO OF YOU
ARE NOT GOING HOME EMPTY-HANDED. YOU’RE GONNA GET
A $500 TARGET GIFT CARD FOR BEING IN THE FINALS. THIS IS GREAT.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.

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